No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize