Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
