my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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