and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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