My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
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