i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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