Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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