Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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