I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
