This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
