Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
She has the best kind of daddy issues
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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