i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
