I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
She's the barista slut.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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