If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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