Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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