I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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