we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
