Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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