I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
you had me at cake vodka
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
