yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
i think i have herpe
just one?
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
