Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
