How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
