He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
