the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
