worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
