So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
she looked like the before picture.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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