Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
