I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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