I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
