the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
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