i just had sex bonerless
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
