I hate all girls vehemently.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
