I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
