they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize