ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
