she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
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