My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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