she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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