I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
