Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Is it because I queefed?
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
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