I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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