everyone is single if you try hard enough
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
