I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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