Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
