guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Randomize
