i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize