please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
