You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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