i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
try to milk me bitch
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
