Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
