I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize