did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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