i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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