Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Randomize