I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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