Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
