Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
