I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Acid is not a monday night drug
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
