Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
