Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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