Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
