sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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