Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
You're like the curious george of whores
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
