My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
