question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
