between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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