I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
are you so shy because you have an std?
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
