she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize