he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Randomize
