from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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