Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
