My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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